This year it was difficult to figure out what my New Year’s resolution would be.

My 2012 life transition started a bit prematurely in 2011 with a divorce that was made legal about halfway through December. The separation started at the close of summer. Now that the new year has begun, I feel like I have already been building upon drastic change. Actually, it was a level of disruption like I have never experienced. Divorce is about as drastic disruption as is available in this life.

But through this winter, I have been rebuilding. Sometimes it is sitting in the dirt trying to figure out its texture; is it sticky enough to take vertical? Sometimes it’s leaning on a friend or relative’s strong shoulder. Oftentimes it is walking around my house rearranging things and taking in the feeling of being alone.

Sometimes it’s loneliness. Sometimes it’s freedom. Sometimes it hurts. Other times I dance with the exhilarating possibilities.

Throughout it all, I have been forced to take inventory and make a lot of changes. Thankfully, there are a lot of great resources in my life that/who impress upon me a desire to use this period to become what I should be. Excel at the job I love. Read. Pray. Play music. Love. Laugh. Learn. Change.

I characterize my life lately as a bouquet of turd blossoms. Out of this ridiculous situation, I have been rediscovering things that are important in life. Real things – I have been so starved for real things. But I have found a lot of them, and I have found myself in the process.

A divorce is a strange setting in which to experience so much personal growth. But of these things I am sure: I am a more focused father. I am an re-awakened Christian. I am a better relative. I am a closer friend. I am a less stressful person. That makes me proud.

So my resolution for 2012 is to not change. To me, it sounds crazy given amount of change I am experiencing. But the rate of change is already there – what I am not changing is the rate. I am already changing and it is mostly for the better. I don’t want to alter that just because today is January 1st.