I didn’t intend to write a single blog post about my divorce. But during the most tumultuous period of my life, I got a lot of solace reading other people’s thoughts and views regarding their divorce experiences. It was genuinely helpful. To say divorce is an isolating experience is an understatement, but when other people dared to share their thoughts, it helped me realize that I wasn’t the only person going through what is often compared to a death.

The idea of a “friendly divorce” that began in the 70′s created a false perception in our society that divorce is “no big deal”. But it is a big deal. Divorce is a painful, life-altering event like a death—but without any of the support or rituals.

Also, I find myself repeating my scenario to interested parties. “Wow. I am sorry!” they say. “You seemed like you had the perfect marriage. You were the quintessential couple. WHAT HAPPENED?”

To share is at the same time cathartic and aggravating.

Cathartic: I had no idea how many other people’s marriages are so messed up! The keynote at my college commencement said that “sorrow shared is sorrow divided.” It is true.

Aggravating: I have been fighting to get to an emotional place where I can be happy again. Talking about my divorce is not part of how I become happy.

Through a series of future posts, I will try to explain where I am and what I have been going through. I can direct people here. I acknowledge that there are always two sides to every story, and this is undoubtedly my version. Instead of laying blame, I am going to try to share my feelings. Through a series of edits and drafts, I think what I eventually publish will be both an honest assessment of my feelings and a conscious effort not to be hurtful. Luckily, my divorce has been a team effort between my ex and me to not be hurtful or vindictive. As much as I loathe losing our family, I appreciate that she wasn’t mean about it. It was … as emotionless as she could make it.

Into the great wide open…

Yes. I am now single. The divorce is final.  It’s a simple and common story: I trusted a woman who told me she would love me forever. What I am learning through the process will make it all somehow worth while.